First of all let me start this post by saying, I have missed the interesting dialog around here and the group activity in the groups I am in. Second, I probably still won't be here that often, because this site causes my very old and very slow computer to act crazy due to all the graphics and the "technological upgrades" it's gone through since my last visit.
I'm finally on my own. I have joint custody with my children's father and for the most part I'm happy. I'm still trying to make ends meet, but I just go to work every day at a job I love doing and keep hoping that one day I will get to a place where I feel at home and can be financially stable without depending on a man to do that. During our custody battle I tried very hard to move back home closer to family, but apparently that isn't in the cards in my life at this time and here I am still STUCK in the damn desert totally out of my environment and totally missing my family.
I am now a grandma to two beautiful little girls. My son's fiance had his first child in February and she had a child from a previous relationship and she calls me grandma which I don't mind at all. I don't segregate because she isn't "blood", she is still my grandbaby if she is in my son's family.
I've been to church. (*waiting on the gasps from passers by here LOLL*) It was an amazing experience and helped me a lot when I was going through my personal hell with my children's father and had no money, no job and he left due to unfortunate circumstances for my son. I have to say though, I don't consider myself a Christian by any means but at the same time I'm not quite sure where I "fit"...spiritually speaking of course. I still watch the phases of the moon and talking to the Moon Goddess on occasion, I still find myself wanting to hit the nearest occult shop for new stones and books, wanting to do some "crafty magic", yet somehow something gets in the way of those things getting done. Anyway, the church was a liberal non-denom church that was somewhat more open-minded than other churches I've been to. I felt a sense of calm, and through the sermons it seemed like the Pastor was the vessel for a message to me from the God/Goddess/Universe and it helped me through some DARK DARK times when I had no family here to help and eventually a handful of friends who I was lucky enough to have around my kids and I.
So now my next journey is to find HOME. I mean a home that feels like home. True I have my own apartment but I just don't feel like I am at home just yet.
This isn't where I will lay my hat so to speak. But for now it's where I live.
I'm not quite sure what the atmosphere is like around here. Maybe it's changed, maybe it's still the same. But I hope to be more active, provided my computer allows me to do so. :) I'm tired of posting drama...that's one thing that's changed about me. I'm also a lot more vocal, and assertive since being away from the kids dad. I'm finally finding myself after being shunned and feeling like I was living in a jar and losing that spark inside me that made me have fun and enjoy life.
Think I'm done here for now. I have my kids to pick up and a pool to get to. It's 107 degrees out today....for a midwestern girl like me this is not weather I enjoy at all. I miss the rain and the beach back home. have a great day. I'll be around....