I'm writing this online for me but if others are interested in reading then by all means do so. I came into this path just a few months ago but I feel like I know a lot and yet don't know enough all at the same time. It's a very weird but complex feeling that quenches my thirst for knowledge and keeping my mind busy while building relationships with new people and conquering my shyness and slight anxiety of the unknown. I feel as if I have discovered more about myself and discovered more about beings around me that I was blindly ignoring for most of my life.
It's weird how the Gods work; weird as in interesting of course. I thought I was going down one path between two Greek gods. I saw Aphrodite every freaking where and I thought she was calling onto me as much as my heart was calling to her. When the Gods were spoken about in my group that I go to on Saturday nights, I instantly thought of her and spoke of her. I grabbed as much information about Greek mythology and Aphrodite/Ares as possible without really confirming if They wanted me or if it was really them calling. I even considered doing a dedication ritual, which I have yet to do, for them. So as the weeks passed and the studying continued, I tried to appease them. I wished them good morning and prayed for their graces every day, with what little I can do due to my current living situation and I had truly hoped it would be enough.
Until one day I questioned myself. Is it really Aphrodite and Ares who are calling to me? Are they the ones I feel by my side and aid me in certain situations? It sounds silly but I wasn't getting any answers and wanted to seek elsewhere; elsewhere as in another source, not as in screw you because that is rude and disrespectful and I would NEVER do that. I encountered a woman who did a type of reading/spell/ritual to see which God and Goddess were waiting for me to realize who they were. I told the lady my name and that I had an idea of who it was but wanted some reassurance and that was it. There was nothing pagan wise this woman could research about me [again, I am in the closet and have done my best to keep it private to the punctuation].
After a few days I receive the reading in my email where she lists in detail who they are; and it wasn't Aphrodite and Ares. It was honestly a huge shock. It felt as if someone had punched you in the stomach and then you couldn't feel it but were dizzy. I am doing a sucky job at describing it but this is what it felt like. I continued reading her letter and she came to tell me it was Ganesha and Lakshmi who were calling to me. I had never heard of either of them before and was instantly puzzled. She continued to tell me more about them in the letter, saying the basics of who They are and it hit me again, instead this time it was an extreme epiphany. Ganesha has some similar qualities to Ares; not a whole lot mind you but enough that I nodded and could see where I was picking it up from. And Lakshmi? Her and Aphrodite are very very a like. I won't go into too much more detail about the letter because it is extremely personal but it opened my eyes.
That night I continued on with my daily business, reflecting on the information that was just given to me. Had I been picking up the wrong signals or was I blinded by my adoration to a certain path and keeping myself narrow minded from the fear of the unknown? I thought about what the letter had said for the rest of the night, even the minutes before I went into the stages of unconsciousness to go to sleep. That night I had a dream, a very vivid dream where all I remember at this time was there was an elephant looking at me in a place I could only describe as a meadow. I don't remember the creature speaking a word to me but only nodding and then I woke up. [For those who are unaware, Ganesha is the God of many categories and is the God with an elephant's head. Very interesting back story!]
A few days after that [I was at my parent's house for that weekend] I returned home to my boyfriend's house and looked on the desk to see the elephant and Buddha statue my boyfriend received from his Indian friend. I blinked and thought for a moment "Ok, that is a little strange." Had that been a sign from Them? It's odd that it came to the house, my boyfriend's friend was a newer relationship and he hasn't really spoken to him in quite some time. I remember him bringing the elephant home and studying it in detail in my hands. I liked it a lot. I don't recall him getting the Buddha at all actually and have no idea how it got there. I am assuming the same friend but I do not know for sure. As I thought more about the elephant I thought about all the other times I kept seeing elephants in the past and just brushed it off. Not just since I began my pagan path but years into my high school years when I first started questioning my spirituality. I never really noticed a pattern before.
As for now I am doing my best to study on Ganesha and Lakshmi to better understand them and why they are so interested in me. Before I go to sleep I sometimes see Ganesha but I never really see Lakshmi, it is kind of odd. I never really imagined I would be studying Hindu mythology before but I guess that is from me limiting myself to certain pantheons. How very rude of me in retrospect to have limited myself and to allow myself to be so reclusive. I personally believe They were using the facades of the Greeks to enlighten me to a certain way, if that makes sense; as in to open the door until I finally realized who was on the other side.
I have been meaning to write this for a little while now and finally had a chance to do so. Ah, feels good to get this out in the open.