Just friends

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Permalink Reply by Dave S. on June 10, 2008 at 10:48am

I have issues like this for years with girlfriends, I get along much better with women then men, and thusly I have always had female friends, and continue to make female friends.

I rationalized with one of my partners once when the issue of me and a female friend hanging out at a movie came up (We bothed adored horror, and my GF at the time didn't), and I told her that if I really wanted to sleep around on her that I could, and she would never know about, but that my heart was hers and if she trusted me and loved me like she said she did, that this shouldn't be a problem.

I have always thought that this doubt or fear is fueled (At least in my experiences) by fear and insecurity -- I don't have any other reason to see how this would be a problem otherwise. I have been through to many relationships in my life to let these sort of things get to me, I do what I want and will be friends with whomever I like... I am a big boy, I can take care of myself.

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Permalink Reply by Morgaine on June 10, 2008 at 10:48am

I totally agree with you. Men and women can be friends without it being a sexual relationship. Your husband is insecure and that is his problem not yours. I spent years not being myself for someone else and I was so depressed. I pulled myself out of it and I won't go back to that again.

Enjoy your ride! If your husband loves you and wants to you to be happy he will allow you to be yourself. By the way my best friend is a man!!! Blessings to you,

Morgaine

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Permalink Reply by Felicity on June 11, 2008 at 8:53am

I can't think of anyone but my partner that i'd rather hang out with.
I guess as long as you're happy with him taking a woman out on a date outing.
It depends on yours and his veiw of monogomay/polyamoury/swingers etc.
While there may not be genital to genital touching with your male friend on the bike there is a loss of energy from your primary relationship with your partner.

I don't think your husband is bad or wrong in his desire to build and maintain connection with you.
*me has chat with partner while typing...* he says that he would feel energy lost from our relationship if I went out with fella friends and he knows I would sense the same - we agree that we are happy going out as a couple with friends. This is our life now. We respect each other and protect each other. Group gatherings are a nice middle ground.
Just my opinion. I think I don't have the same problem with wanting to hang out with other men as I have "married" my bestest male friend.
It's not that I restrict who my partner sees nor does he restrict me - we just fit togther so sickeningly well that there is no room for 3rd wheels.
....He completes me...lol
Actually I was already complete and so was he when we met.

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Permalink Reply by Andriel on June 11, 2008 at 1:49pm

I am married to a man who has issues with this as well. It has taken many years and too many fights to overcome a lot of his control issues. I use the word control for my husband because that is what it has been. He has a low self-esteem and comes from a famly background in which he developed a mistrust of platonic relationships and women in general.

As long as you are doing nothing that you feel could bring him embarassment or betraying him, than I say be friends with whoever. Is your husband friends with females? Does he spend time with them when you arent around? If this is a rule that he doesnt expect himself to follow than it is all about control imo. If he does follow the same rule then I would encourage him to see that you have no problem with him having female friends and spending time with them.

It came to the point that in my relationship I had to put both feet down and in no uncertain terms let my husband know that I am who I am, I am not doing anything immoral, he can accept me for who I am, or we can end our relationship.

Only you can decide what is right for you. I think from your post that you havn't felt emotional support for some time and that you feel as if your essentially losing your self in order to keep the peace and satisfy others. Figure out what you want, you can always change your mind. Go after what you want, do it with respect for others, and you will be able to know that you are regaining your true identity.

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Permalink Reply by Wicket Icons on June 14, 2008 at 4:29pm

I have a ton of male friends that I would never make a move with. I've never understood this idea that people are so unable to control their sexual impulses. It just blows my mind.
Thankfully, my husband knows that I'm not going to jump my friend just because he's a boy! And he doesn't feel like it takes anything away from our relationship for me to go and spend time with other men - in fact, there have been times when it did quite the opposite, and I came home with the "oh, my god, I missed you" feelings.
That said, my ex, he was a bit more like your husband, and that intrinsic lack of trust bugged the crap out of me. (though that particular issue is not why he's my ex, fyi.)
Have fun with your friend, and give your other half a chance to see for himself what's what perhaps?

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Permalink Reply by Angji on June 20, 2008 at 4:29pm

You know I know people like that, I choose not to hang out with them.

Well I have male firends my husbands doesnt get mad why should he?

As long as were cool with it. I don't care what everyoneelse thinks.

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Permalink Reply by Angji on June 20, 2008 at 9:42pm

I hang out with people who usually can trustthere spouses.... I have friends who our male no
we don't make out............ Geesh have some control..... There friends not my husband...
If i wanted a bed partner besides my husband I look else where...

I hate to be in a relationship were I had to tip toe around.

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