Military fears...

K, FIRST of all, let me say, I support our troops even though I am adamantly pro-peace. And this actually has NOTHING to do with the war, whatsoever. Or almost whatsoever anyway. Here's the story...

My son and I and my 3 grand babies were at the mall today. Jordan, my son, went out to put some packages in the car so we wouldn't have to haul them around. I stayed with the babies. I noticed he was taking a while to get back... I also noticed some guy with a very short hair cut standing outsie the door talking to someone. Hmmm, couldn't see who he was talking to because That person was behind a poster on the glass doors. So I moved...

And this guy was talking to Jordan. Okay, I figured it was an old boss or something. And then they came walking in together and Jordan intruduced him as the Marine Corps recruiter he had been talking to.... Back peddle..me... "The WHAT you've been talking to??" "The Marine recruiter." I sat there with my mouth hanging open, sweat starting to poor down my face, trying NOT to cry, and holding my little beautiful Chloe-bear, Jordan's 9 month old daughter, on my lap.

He had said nothing to me about this. He is going to Denver for a physical on August 4th, at which time I am PRAYING they will tell him that due to the metal plates in his ankle, they WILL NOT take him. Intending, praying, begging the Universe... whatever it takes.

I have some mixed emotions here. On the one hand, I AM proud of him. He's a great kid. My dad, a die hard Marine to this day, will probably BURST with pride if he enlists. On the other hand, he is my baby. He was my constant companion when he was little, he has a beautiful baby girl and a lovely girlfriend... And his girlfriend is ALL for it! Hmmm, which makes me re-think my thoughts on her. When Jordan told me SHE could get all kinds of money for college if he risks his VERY LIFE for 4 years, I thought, how convenient for HER. And how selfish.. the little bitch....And I don't want to feel that way because I love her, I really do. He's my baby! I know legally he's a grown man at 19 but he's still a kid with his entire life ahead of him. I DON'T want to BURY my child! And I don't want him to ever be in the position of having to kill another human being or be killed himself. I cannot even imagine the deep soul damage that would cause.

Have you figured out that I am in PANIC mode right now? Any adivce, prayers, intentions etc. would be greatly appreciated. I know MANY of you have been through the same thing. How did you manage. I am in tears already at the very thought. Please help.

Peace Lily

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Permalink Reply by Dave S. on July 19, 2008 at 11:43pm: I have mentioned a few times that I was in the Army, and it was really right for me (No regrets), but last time I was back 'home' I sat down and talked to a friend of mine (Well a family I have known for decades), the youngest brother/son, he just graduated high school and was talking about joining The Corp; honestly with the state of things, and the direction I feel that the military is headed, I told him that he should go to college for a couple of years before making that decision; at the very least I told him that before he went in, he should really think about what he was getting into and those realities (Minus the romanticism of patriotism).

Then I told him that if he was still serious about going in that he should consider the Navy or Air Force (With the emphasis being on the Navy) -- To me it is the best option when it comes to joining the service. Being a ground-pounder sucks.

I can't imagine that this is something easy for any parent to go through; pride or not -- My thoughts are with you.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by peace lily on July 19, 2008 at 11:47pm: Thanks! :) I tried to tell him to try the Air Force or even the Coast Guard. Coast Guard would be GREAT and MUCH safer. I really appreciate your input and thoughts!

Peace Lily; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marc on July 20, 2008 at 3:28am: He can rise through the ranks a lot faster in the Coast Guard then he would in the Navy or the Army. There's still some risk but it's probably not as bad as being a Marine in the Middle East.

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Permalink Reply by Nadette on July 20, 2008 at 12:02am: I understand completely (for the most part).
The man that I have been dating is leaving for marine basic training on the 10th. When we started dating he was a senior in high school, facing the fact that he had no idea what he was going to do after high school. No plans what so ever. The end of the year was coming when I got a call from him, "what would you say if I told you I joined the marines?" ok back up rewind. I guess before I say anything else I should mention that we did meat in army jrotc and he had kinda mentioned it, but I guess I hadn't really taken it seriously because he didn't seam like it was a big deal. Anyways back to the story, I was really at a loss what to say so I said the only thing I could because I could not, should not, and would not effect HIS decision as he chose what he was going to do with his life and provide for himself as an adult. I told him that if it was something that he felt he needed to do that I would have to support him. Was I happy about his choice, no not really, was I scared, yeah I was scared shitless and the truth is I still am. However I know that I cannot change his decision, it was already made. And he was all happy and said that he was leaving the next day to go to MEPS (the physical). As his day to leave gets closer it does get harder and harder to put on that smile and tell him that he's going to be great and that everything will be fine.
I do believe that you are being unfair to his girlfriend for she most likely is trying to react the way that I did, putting her best foot forward and making the best out of the situation. She is most likely just as scared as you are, but knows that she cannot change his mind.
So ultimately all you CAN do is be at least, to him, supportive, put your best foot forward. He did not do this TO YOU, he did this FOR HIM and for HIS FUTURE and the future of HIS family.
And no matter what you hear, the people he is with will do EVERYTHING within their power to keep him alive and whole. Just think about this, the United States government spends billions of dollars on his training to keep him alive.
All I can say is stay strong, and believe that you raised your son to be the great and brave man that he is proving himself to be.

I don't know if it has helped at all, I really do feel your pain, but I know that you can get through it.
~Blessed be; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Marc on July 20, 2008 at 3:36am: I don't think most people go into military service for patriotic reasons I think most of them go into it for economic reasons. While he's in the military his wife -I don't know if they give benefits to girlfriends- and children will have health care, he might have some opportunities for college during or after his service is finished, and I'm sure there are other benefits that I'm not thinking of right now.

Of course, as peace lily has pointed out, these benefits come with a cost which might require him to put his life on the line. I have a sister in the Navy whose station is unlikely to be placed under any danger so I don't really have to worry as much as someone with a loved one in the Army or the Marines.

I'm sorry, peace lily, I can see that this is very stressful for you. I do believe you might be able to find a support group in your area. Other parents who might be going through what you're going through.

Marc; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by peace lily on July 20, 2008 at 1:19pm: So far this morning I have pretty much done nothing but cry. It's pissing me off because I have so much to do. All I can think is that I don't want to bury my son and I don't want him to be irreparably damaged both spiritually and physically by the effects of war. It just keeps ringing in my ears.... This is killing me already and he hasn't even actually enlisted yet. I don't know what I am going to do if he really does.

Peace Lily; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by peace lily on July 21, 2008 at 8:47am: K, feeling a little better today. I plan to go to the mountain to the scared circle tonight and perform a ritual for peace and the safety of my son. At least I am not crying anymore. The thought of losing my son to a war I don't believe in still terrifies me, but I am better able to form a plan of action now.

I saw a bumper sticker that said, "Bombing for peace is like fucking for virginity". That's about how I fel about the whole thing.

Peace Lily; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by The Lady Raven on July 21, 2008 at 10:28am: Peace Lily,
My mother went through some major emotions when my brother went over to Afganistan. But my brother came home. I have had friends that have gone over to either Iraq or Afganistan and they have all come back. Try not to think what could happen to your son, but I know that you will think of the worst case. It is human nature. Be glad he is going into the Marines. They don't go through about 10 weeks of boot camp for nothing.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by peace lily on July 21, 2008 at 2:23pm: Thank you so much BI, LR and everyone! I really appreciate the support. I am not ususally the type of person who gives in to fears. But this terrifies me! Thank you, thank you ALL so much!

P.L.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tsiyeria on July 21, 2008 at 2:33pm: Calming down is good! ^_^ *sends peace and calm*

I don't think that his girlfriend is supporting him because it benefits her. She's most likely supporting him because she loves him.

May I ask why you suddenly feel different about her, now that she is supporting his idea of joining the military?; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by peace lily on July 21, 2008 at 3:22pm: It's more that she will get money for college if they get married and he goes. And I do love her and I know she loves him. It's just a mom thing, I think. LOL
P.L.; ▶ Reply to This

Permalink Reply by Tsiyeria on July 21, 2008 at 6:12pm: I can see that. Just remember, she'll be going through the same thing as you.; ▶ Reply to This