Well here i go again feeling low about my self , why well it's like this i am trying to change and improve mine and my families lives and circumstance.
so i take on a plumbing course having been unsucssesfuly trying to get my hgv liecence which is very expensive to pay for upfront, thats why the change of plan.
MY ultimate goal is to emigrate to canada so here i am studying and trying to work hard to reach my goal.
so sunday last my hubby and the kids and my brother went off to central london for an expo on emmigration he txt me to tell me great news as he is dieabetic and thought his health would be an obstical and it's not then came a bit of a bomb shell plumbing i need 6 years experiance oh my goodness thats 8 years away i've only just started this course what they'er realy after was hgv and bus drivers they'd have chewed my right arm off for a hgv or bus drivers liecence, i felt like i was made of glass and i just shattered i was in tears now i am sure the lord and lady have a plan for me but i just can't see it right now, my haed is spinning and i feel low, i'm committed to this course finacially and i now know that i need to do a u-turn to get there sooner before we start loosing points on my hubby's age i feel near panic HELP my brain is spinning and i can't get my head around this i had trouble with the hgv not because of my driving but because i feel to pieces on the test the examiner i precieved to be realy scary.
now with a hgv i colud get to canada in a year and a half but we had a time frame of three years i feel right now that my little world is falling aprt.
I know i shouldn't be sitting here feeling so sorry for my self but i do. my husband being dieabetic cuts off a lage section of the job market here in the uk, so with this plumbing course and what i realy need is a hgv liecence i feel like atlas with the weight of the world on my shoulders because it all hinges on me to get it right and get us over to canada. in my vision of things well be ready to go in three years we wolud love to settle on vancoover island my brother wants to go also and can get there in his own right he wants to go as much as we do but he is single no kids no obsticals me hubby 3 kids up to my eyeball in debt which we are working to clear.
i'm so stressed right now i can't seem to connect with the divine to ask for guideance as i have taken this so personaly.
my family love and support me but they can't share the heavy load with, i have take this journey alone with every one else standing on the side line cheering me on now i feel like a bit of let down because and i'm in no mans land with know where to hide.
well what can i say how do i lift my sprits refocus my self and find loads of money to pay for this all any ideas welcome if any one reads this , i realy need a friend right now and some guideance thanks .