No matter what path I study I always end up on that cultures version of shamanism. The same goes foe heathenism, first the term Vanatru randomly appeared. I immedeatly wondred what it was so I looked it up. In heathenism it turns out, some folk are drawn by the Vanir tribe.
The Vanir are usually discribed as agricultural entities, the most famous being Njord, Freyr, and Freyja, each of whom give us thier own version of prosperty and pleasure. Eventually this led to Seidr, a norse tradition simular to shamanism.
Traditionlly practitioners of seidr craft where women though some are men. Seidr was a gift from Freyja who taught it to Odin.
The strange or maybe not so strange thing is crafts like Seidr frighten me. So do beings like Freyja...Why?
I'm leaning towards the fear of the unknown. In Seidrcraft a seidkhona or seidmandhr deal directly with ancestors, alfar, dis, and many other beings as well as prophecy. I have a hard enough time dealing with my own species! I'm afraid I'll get preyed on again(hence the crappy social life). I just can't seem to let my guard down.
As for Freyja, she's someone I admire but her passion scares me. It's so diffrent them what I grew up with and I'm having trouble getting past what I grew up with in a Catholic/Babtist household. When I hear about some of the myths I get an unpleasent feeling in the pit of my stomach. I know sexuality is natural but at the same time remember staying up all night scrubbing myself down because I felt dirty. I can't seem to rectify the two, even as I type the sexuality is natural thing rings empty in my head.
Here I am though, drawn to Seidr, Vanatru, heathenism probaly for the same reasons they frighten me.
AS usual feel free to correct me if I'm wrong.